The invisible racism:

This has been running through my mind for awhile. Compounded by separate, yet relevant issues. It's bugging me.

I had an incident recently with someone not believing me when I mentioned that some people, especially in our town, had been vile and disgusting towards me or others because we're Native. They were incredulous that it would happen in this town. But honestly, whether it's out right racism, disgust, or degradation, it is absolutely still here. It's still frustrating, infuriating, and incredibly sad.

Every year that I'm alive I learn more and more pieces of Juneau's intricate history. It is mind blowing, at times, to realize how close we still are to the atrocities that have happened here. Especially when it is put in contrast to the current attitudes and mindsets of our own community.

I found it almost offensive that I had to defend my statement that I had in fact felt prejudiced behaviors from people in our own community. What?! How can someone that wasn't even there tell me what my experience was, or tell me that it wasn't awful? Not only that, but how can anyone believe it doesn't exist here when I have had such a running collection of jaw dropping moments of incredulous remarks, behaviors and events.

It got my gears grinding.

One of the most remarkable things I could recall, in recent years, was when I had to attend a home buying informational class. Two people, that I knew by name, essentially lead the way in breaking open one of the most horrifying and snowballing experiences I've witnessed in my adult life. I was one of only a few Native people in attendance that day and to be fair, the educator leading the class kept remarking how great the loan program was if you qualified for the Native loan programs, "better pull out your family albums... if you don't have it already, get your BIA card... remember that Cherokee grandma? Better bring that up when signing the papers!" Which, with every poorly chosen attempt at humor, the people in attendance grew more and more vocal about their disgust that "the Natives have it so good". One by one, more and more remarks percolated out of others in the room. Then, when it was time for the educator to take questions, the people that I knew (and who knew for certain that I was Native), raised their hands and out fell the beginning statements that made me broil with frustration. "That's so unfair! Just because they're Native, they can just show up and get a better deal on a home loan, than I can? That's so wrong. I do what I'm supposed to. I went to school. I got a degree. I worked my butt off to be educated and do what I'm supposed to do as a decent human being, and all they have to do is walk in and be Native and get a better deal than I do?!" Then up shot the hand of the other person, and out fell an even more hideous statement, about paying taxes, and whatever. Basically the two had way too much of their republican showing and it wasn't pretty, but the ugliness had only just begun as the others in attendance felt like it was their green light to join in on the degradation. I sat in complete silence, not because I condoned it, or accepted it, but rather because I was so horrified at the pandora's box of ignorance that had just busted wide open in front of me, officiated by an employee of an agency that oversees housing, cheered on by two people that know me, and joined in by the rest of the group. All the while my eyes burned holes in the backs of their heads as I lost every last grain of respect for the humans they exposed themselves to be; and me, sitting in silence knowing that one of the two had previously bragged quite profusely that the state had forgiven their student loan. Oh, but a forgiven student loan is apparently a thankless gesture if a home loan isn't whittled down, also. Which, this was my train of thought on their disgust:
I'm sorry- we're less than 50% of the 2% of the Native population ...out of the world population. Did you catch that? We're less than 1% of the world population, and at that we're not even 50% of the population in our own homeland! We're not even 30% of the state population- we're a staggering 15%. Maybe. If that. And of that 15%, not everyone is out there, qualifying for this program, looking to buy a $400k house- like the ones these two were constantly remarking that they wouldn't get one any lower than that price. Not only that, it's not "free money". It's a LOAN program. The money is given, but at a price that has to be paid back. It's not a grant. It's not an inheritance. It's a loan. Generally, people that qualify for the loan program, are looking for a home that is less than $300k and an even greater majority only qualify for less than $200k, so if you're going to be pissy about "what a great deal the Natives are getting", then please take it- but with the lower income, the ignorant remarks, and the other troubles heaped on top of it.

In another instance, someone undermined the efforts of language revitalization of the Tlingit language. "Why? It's not like anyone speaks it, and it won't be of any economical use. It's a waste of money to keep a program going." My heart broke a little at that, but I couldn't quite define why. It kept echoing in my thoughts. Why did that hurt so bad? Then I remembered all of the times when non-Natives asked if I spoke "my language", and I answered no. Then how they basically discounted my culture, and wrote me off as "not so Native after all". 

I'm less Native, because I don't speak my language? That's when the history hit me. 

Our language isn't commonplace any longer, not because we didn't care. It's diminished because we weren't allowed to speak it. Our grandparents and parents were placed in schools where their language was not allowed. They were made to feel shamed for not speaking in English. Our language was, and is our culture. So when someone writes off our "level of Native-ness" because we don't speak a language, it's the product of historical racism, and forced assimilation. My lack of language is because, and I hate to say this because it hurts even more, but it is painful at times when you ask people of the generation prior, about words and language- but they don't know the answer. Which for them, some have admitted that they feel shame for not having learned, and why would you want to open a wound like that? They are the ones that saw the transition from prolific, fluent speakers, to what we have today. They are the ones that were subjected to so much shame and injustice, and carry those wounds- whether realized or not. Some carry pain for not having learned it from their parents and grandparents. 

It's not like a language for people from other countries. They have a home they can go back to where there are fluent speakers. They can find communities with fluent speakers and find many resources to revitalize their connection to the language. Unfortunately, not only was our language solely a spoken one (previously), but there is not a place we can go back to in order to learn or reconnect in a daily, colloquial way. My lack of language does not define my level, my status of being Native. Rather it speaks volumes of the success of historical racism and forced assimilation. That's why it hurts.

Still, others stand here, in this community and still incredulously wonder why we think there is still racism, when to them it doesn't exist. But it does.

Does anyone wonder why there aren't any long houses on the historical registry of homes? 

Does anyone wonder why I can't place a home, in my mind, that is a Native owned home on the historical registry? 

I've been sitting here for days, recalling all of the homes on the historical registry in Juneau, and Douglas and nearly every single one is a non-Native home. 

In recent weeks I've heard and seen people boasting about their family's historical house, and how long their family has been here, and how great that is because they're family was such a key piece in the history of our town... while completely turning a blind eye to the fact that not only are there not any historically notable Native homes, but there aren't any historically notable Native families. I think back and try to peel back history, restoring Juneau and Douglas to what it used to be. Is it surprising that the prolifically Native areas of homes are completely void of any homes, yet the ones that remain, the ones deemed historical, are still there? And were owned by non-Native families?
Savikko Park, Douglas Harbor, the State Office Building, Centennial Hall, all of those areas were once Native homes and neighborhoods. But clearly, none of them stand there today except a small, dilapidated few near the Andrew Hope building. In a way, my grandfather was lucky. His home, the state enforced eminent domain, and gave him about $2k before they forced him out of his home and off his land- where the State Office building's parking lot now sits. Which, even then the writing was basically on the wall. He and the others had their home there, and suddenly, the white families came in and built their homes right over the lands of the Native families, situating the homes in a way that made it difficult for the Native families to even get to their houses- which eventually their homes were only accessible by alleys and situated in the back. My grandfather's home even lost the driveway because the people built their houses in such a way that the house was no longer accessible by car. But again, he was lucky to have been offered the $2k he had been, unlike the people of Douglas Island. They just came home one day and everything was gone. So even though $2k was an insulting amount of money for an entire home... at least he knew he was losing his home and at least he had a chunk of change in exchange.
After I learned this part of my family's history, I spoke with some others about their childhood homes. They too had lived in the area, and not everyone was given a sum of money, some were just forced out. Many shoved into trailers at the foot of the bridge where the Dept. of Labor and Fish and Game, even the city now resides. 

Is that how we ended up where we are now? These people had land, they had homes, they had an asset and equity. Which was ripped from beneath them, their assets stripped from their ownership and left barren. An act, which today, would and has sunk an entire economy. You take away real estate of an entire community, erasing the only tangible equity they have, and two generations wonder why there are so many low income families from that demographic. Then compound that issue by creating low-income housing, that is not ownership available, but rather a rental only situation, continuing the cycle of diminished equity. Then mock these people for being low income. That's great. "Affordable Housing" at what cost? Putting an entire population of people on a hamster wheel of always being below the mark.

I could go on, but that. I'll let that sit here for now. No, racism doesn't exist, but neither do long houses, historical Native homes, our language barely does, and the home loans for Native qualifying families proves that we have it so good.